forgiveness and biting

The first day of VBS my son bit Father Layne’s son, Gray. This was a very odd stressful time for the Phillips family. It was the first time where I saw my son in a different light. His selfish nature came out, all over the lack of sharing toy trains. Let me first tell you James was bit at a daycare a month and half earlier. And he has not bit a person before then. But on that day he bit 4 kids. Gray he bit hard.

For the next few days at VBS Gray was afraid of James. Every time James would come in the room Gray would burst into tears. He would cry and say things like, “I don’t want James in here. James is a bad boy. I don’t want him to bite me. I don’t want him to hurt me.” Gray had every right to be afraid, and every right to be angry with James, although I think it was more fear than anger.

A week ago Heather (James’ mom) and Tamara (Gray’s mom) joined a women’s study. Which means James and Gray would be in the nursery together. As soon as Gray saw me he knew James was there. He began the normal routine crying, fear, and probably some anger. On this day Layne went to the nursery upstairs and sat Gray on his knee. I sat James on my knee. I asked James to say “sorry” and he did. Layne told Gray to say “I forgive you James”, and he did. I told James to say “thank you” and he did. Then I took the truck James was holding and told James to share. James let me hand the truck to Gray. Then Gray hopped up walked across the room and grabbed a toy car, which he quickly came back and shared with James.

You need to understand James was only 2 at the time. The bite had happened a week earlier and he didn’t remember it, although it was very real to Gray. James did not even know why he was saying the word “sorry”. Forgiving James did very little for James. James didn’t remember why Gray was afraid or crying. Forgiveness did everything for Gray. It healed the person doing the forgiving not the person who was forgiven.

Forgiveness for James (2 yrs old) is very similar as it is for me (36 years old). It is counter productive when I refuse to forgive because I don’t want to let the other person off the hook. When I forgive someone I release myself not them.

It smells like bunrt tacos in here.

The Phillip’s family just ended a week long stint with all three of my children sick.

ROUND ONE:
It started off at 3:00am when Heather and I heard (5 year old) James scream. We hopped up and ran into his room to find that he had climbed into (3 years old) Nolan’s bed in the middle of the night, and Nolan threw up covering James from head to toe. After a 4:00am bath for both boys and time spent with baby wipes, paper towels, Lysol, and wet-vac things were back to normal. Normal of course being Nolan throwing up in the toilet for the next 48 hours.

ROUND TWO:
Finally Nolan was feeling better and Heather and I were looking forward to some well deserved sleep. Unfortunately (1 year old) Levi was not sleeping well and joined us in bed. Lucky for me joined us means sleeping beside Heather. Around 3:00am Heather got a reminder that Levi ate spaghetti for dinner. Another 4:00am bath and more quality time with baby wipes and Lysol. It was another 48 hours of baby vomit.

ROUND THREE
Like clockwork Heather and I got another 3:00am wake up call when we heard James call out for us. I quickly headed into the boys room and I saw James standing on the top bunk. I asked, “James what’s wrong”. James was unable to answer although I realized later on that he probably wanted to say, “Dad, I am about to throw up and I am unable to get of the top bunk in time”. Poor Nolan got his own personalized wake up call when was splashed with vomit from a 4 foot drop. It’s amazing the sound and mess puke can make from that that height. Nolan, who was directly underneath James, got it bad, very bad. The morning was capped off by 4:00am baths and baby wipes.

James' not so gentle with his great great Grandma

Just this past week the Phillips family headed to Anderson, SC for a time of vacation and visiting with family. It was Heather and my 7^th wedding anniversary. Normally we would have dropped off the kids and went had a more private weekend, but Heather’s mom had recently fell and broke her foot and shoulder. We decided to take our vacation time to give her mom a bit of support. It was also Joshua’s 2^nd birthday so we had a second reason to visit.

One day we left Anderson and headed to Fairplay, SC. Fairplay is where Heather’s 96 year old Great Grandmother lives and it is nice to spend a bit of time with her. We sat around and talked with her and she handed James and Nolan candy and stuffed animals to play with. Before we left we wanted to take some pictures. Everyone piled on the couch. James had a huge fake cheesy grin. Nolan acted like a hoodlum, and I had to bribe him with candy so he would sit still and stop crying. But it was nice to have a picture with 1 month old Levi and his Great Great Grandma together. After the picture James was talking to his Great Great Grandma. Heather told him he had to be gentle with her. When I ask James to be gentle with Levi he gentle caresses Levi stomach or hand, so James held her wrinkled hand softly. After a second he started staring at her hand and seemed mesmerized by it. He studied her hand for a few minutes, and then he looking at her. Great Great Grandma I can feel your bones you need to eat something.

A real heart felt apology to Nolan

There was a great conversation between James (4yrs old) and Nolan (2 yrs old) this week. James and Nolan were fighting over matchbox cars and James pushed Nolan down. I told James to hug Nolan and say sorry.

One thing you need to know, If you say “sorry” to Nolan he will always respond with “sorry”

James: Sorry
Nolan: Sorry
James: No I’m sorry
Nolan: Sorry
James: (a bit angrier) I’m sorry
Nolan: Sorry
James: Nolan, you’re not sorry I’m sorry
Nolan: Sorry
James: Stop it Nolan!!!
Nolan: Sorry

Then James pushed Nolan down.

James: I’m Sorry
Nolan: Sorry

James sends Levi to bite his mother

Levi is home now, and the Phillips family is getting used to having baby number 3 around.

James seems to be adjusting fine. He is gentle and keeps asking the pay with Levi. He is unable to grasp that Levi cant get up and walk around yet.

Nolan is having a little tougher time with the new baby. Nolan has been the soft, quiet, timid brother 9at eat compared to James). Nolan is used to spending most of his day on heather's lap. He has gotten a bit jealous since Levi has stolen the best seat in the house. Nolan has avoided Heather some and only tries to sit with her when Levi is already on her lap. I am having more father/son time with my first two. I am sure things will be back to normal soon (Of course normal for my household is insanity).

Yesterday Levi (4 days old) was crying while we were eating dinner. Heather only had a couple of bites of dinner left but I had to almost tie her down to the table to get here to finish before taking care of Levi. I had finished eating so I put Levi in my lap and tried to sooth him until Heather was done. James found Levi loud and aggravating and had had enough of his crying. James walked up to me and pulled his shirt up and pointed to his chest. "Dad, if you want him to stop crying let him bite momma right here."

Welcome Levi Jackson Phillips

July 11th 10:25 am
6 Lbs 15 oz
19 3/4 inches long

He is doing great
Heather is doing great

I will post a bunch of pics later

Baa Baa Baa Baa Baa Baa Baa, What!

We were having lunch at Loco's a week ago with about 20 students. My son Nolan was sitting beside me. He did something with accidental but perfect timing. He was staring forward just blabbering on and making noises. Baa, Baa, Baa, Baa, Baa. I began looking at Nolan with a look on my face that simply said, "What is wrong with you". Nolan kept blabbing on, "Baa Baa Baa Baa", and then looked up and noticed I was looking at him. With perfect timing and without missing a beat he immediately stop blabbing and said, "what".